What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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