turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
