Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
