The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
