dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
