And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
