she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
