btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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