She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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