Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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