i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is Oprah even human
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
