One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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