i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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