shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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