I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
