Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
