my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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