i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
