I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
