im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
