You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
