that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
