I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
