I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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