Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
