Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
