The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
