I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Pappa wants mamma naked
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
