Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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