I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
