I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I deserve this hangover.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
