If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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