Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
