i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
