He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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