Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
