i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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