I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
