The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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