You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
