nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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