So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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