Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
