I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
