I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
