Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
