You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
