there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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