yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
