one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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