i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
